i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
