just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
