he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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