Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
