you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
