That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
