there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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