just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My legs feel like baby dolphins
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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