I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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