Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
