I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
