Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
