laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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