I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I can't put those talents on a resume
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
