Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize