Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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