You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
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I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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