probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
