I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
