shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
