At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
