Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Randomize
