so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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