Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
