Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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