White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
