i think my mom watched the whole time
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
