I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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