only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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