3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
