just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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