whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
