i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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