You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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