So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
