All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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