her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
