Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
