I'm really into asian looking animals
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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