sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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