I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
