the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
