ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
