took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
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He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
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The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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