Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
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I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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