there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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