I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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