When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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