His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
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I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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