IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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