Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
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If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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