ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
