Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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