I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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