If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
