i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
