did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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