I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
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