im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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