Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
