You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How does one acquire holy water?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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