All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
