I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just took my morning after pill in the library
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
