He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
