Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
