the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
