A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
