You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
